Sunday, March 16, 2008

Help Me

Somewhere along the line, I decided to de-clutter my life, and make it less complicated, specifically, in a social context. I stopped talking to a lot of my fellow socialites (most of which can’t be trusted anyway). However, on reflection, I think what I was doing was giving up on life. I now find myself with little or no entertainment, no one to talk to, I spend a lot of time alone, and I feel numb most of the times. Nothing to get excited about, nothing to look forward to, just a dullness that lingers. And you want to know what makes it worse? The same dullness appears in my work life. I have no career goals to speak off, no business ideas, I’m watching everyone pass me by, and I am here doing nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing!

Now I see that I might have played my cards very wrong, and maybe its time to start searching for a way out, except I am worried that I always give up half way, and change paths again. I worry that I can't commit to anything long term, that I will always be looking for new things, but never staying around long enough to build something tangible.

I am so confused. At times like this, I wish I was more religious, just so that I could have something to turn to, to give me some hope, to lean on, but all I have is myself. I am hopeful for something, I just don’t know what…

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